Make People Like You
in 90 Seconds or Less
Nicholas Boothman — The Science of Instant Connection
Former fashion photographer turned NLP trainer, Nicholas Boothman discovered through decades of working with strangers on set that connection is not accidental — it is a learnable skill with a precise sequence. Within 90 seconds of meeting someone, the two of you have already decided whether you trust each other. This book teaches you to make that decision go your way.
The Greeting Formula — Five Steps in Sequence
Boothman breaks the first encounter into five choreographed actions he calls Open · Eye · Beam · Hi · Lean. Each must be performed in order and in full to activate the biological circuitry of trust. Miss one and the sequence fails.
Open your attitude and body language. Heart aimed at the person, arms uncrossed, posture receptive. Decide consciously: be genuinely interested.
Make warm, friendly eye contact first. Let your eyes reach them before anything else. Eye contact triggers the recognition of “safe or threat” in the limbic brain.
Smile with your whole face — eyes and mouth together. A fake smile uses only the mouth. A genuine smile (Duchenne smile) crinkles the eyes and communicates authentic warmth.
Use a greeting word with positive vocal energy. This is the moment of sonic first impression. The tone, volume, and pace of “Hi” carries more information than the word itself.
Lean very slightly forward — signalling openness and interest. The body says “I am moving toward you” rather than away. Complete this with your name and a firm handshake.
“Likability has something to do with how you look but a lot more to do with how you make people feel.”
— Nicholas Boothman, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or LessRapport by Design
Rapport is the establishment of common ground — a comfort zone where two people can mentally and emotionally join together. It can happen by chance (a shared language abroad) or by design. Boothman teaches rapport by design through synchronising body language, voice, and sensory language.
Synchronising (Mirroring) — The Master Technique
Look around any coffee shop and identify who is in rapport: they sit the same way, lean the same way, pick up their cup at the same time. They are synchronised. When you consciously synchronise another person’s posture, movement, breathing, and vocal patterns, you trigger the same neurological signal as natural rapport. One picks up a cup, the other follows; one leans back, the other does the same — the dance of rapport. This must be gradual and subtle — obvious mirroring breaks the spell entirely.
Attitude — The Foundation Under Everything
Boothman distinguishes between a Really Useful Attitude (RUA) and a Really Useless Attitude (RUA-). Attitudes are not performances; they are physiological states that the body broadcasts without your conscious control. When you choose a genuinely positive, curious, open attitude, your body language, facial expression, voice tone, and eye signals all align automatically. Trying to fake body language without changing your underlying attitude is immediately detectable — the signals contradict each other at millisecond intervals.
Three Ways People Process the World
Drawing on Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Boothman explains that people primarily process experience through one dominant sensory channel. Matching someone’s sensory language instantly creates a feeling of “you speak my language” — one of the most powerful rapport-builders available.
What You Say · How You Say It · What Your Body Says
Boothman cites the classic communication research breakdown: body language accounts for over 50% of face-to-face communication impact, tone of voice 38%, and words only 7%. The practical implication: any mismatch between these three channels immediately triggers the listener’s unconscious alarm. The body has no capacity to lie in the way the voice can. When someone’s words say “I’m fine” but their body is closed and their voice is flat, every person in the room knows they are not fine.
Uncrossed arms, exposed heart/chest, open palms, upright posture, direct face-to-face orientation. These signals say YES. The body broadcasts these signals before conscious thought forms a word.
Match tone (energy level), volume, pace, and rhythm of the other person. A loud, fast speaker paired with a quiet, slow listener creates constant discomfort. Synchronise, then lead.
Almost everyone provides voluntary personal information throughout conversation. Names, jobs, interests, opinions — offered freely as invitations to connect. “Hi, I’m Carlos Garcia, a friend of Gail’s” gives three connection points. Listen for these and respond to them.
NLP anchoring: a specific gesture or touch can re-trigger a resourceful emotional state on demand. Clenched fist = confidence state. Built by associating the gesture with a vivid recalled memory of confidence at its peak.
Choose your attitude deliberately before entering any social situation. An RUA is not positive thinking — it is a physiology. When you choose curiosity and openness, your entire biochemistry changes and the person across from you feels it immediately.
A Boothman seminar technique: gather all your positive energy, store it in your heart, and “fire” it through your handshake and eye contact to the other person. This is not metaphor — the physical embodiment of warmth in a handshake is neurologically detectable within milliseconds.
How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less
Nicholas BoothmanInternational bestseller by a former fashion photographer turned NLP trainer and communicator. Boothman developed his techniques working with hundreds of strangers on photo shoots where instant trust was commercially essential. Published by Workman Publishing (2000), translated into dozens of languages.
Connection Is Not Chemistry. It Is a Skill. And Every Skill Can Be Learned.
The people who walk into a room and instantly make everyone feel at ease are not gifted with special magnetism. They have simply learned — consciously or through practice — to send the right signals at the right moment. Boothman teaches the sequence. The rest is practice.
Yacine
Educator · Technologist · Curious MindElectronics teacher in Tangier, sharing reflections on books, psychology, and the science of human connection at yacine.love.